I really hate to admit it, but my wife has me hooked on a couple of reality shows: Scream Queens, Rock of Love Charm School, The Biggest Loser, The Pick-Up Artist….I think that’s all. It gives us something to look forward to watching each week. Here is what I think of where these shows are at right now.
Scream Queens.…If you haven’t seen it, it’s a show about chicks trying to land a gig in Saw 6. I’ve never seen any of the Saw movies, so I don’t know what the big deal is. The host of the show is Shawnee Smith. I knew her as the ditsy secretary on Becker, who was kinda cute but had a monotone voice and never opened her mouth far enough. It made me want to smack her upside the head to dislodge her jaw.
Anyway, they are down to five girls. Here’s my take.
Jessica….is such a total psycho spaz who hasn’t got a clue. She’s a little bit cute, but not cute enough to warrant having her on a movie set. The only movie I could see her in would be a remake of Fatal Attraction. She thinks she knows way more about acting than she really does, and its annoying.
Michelle…She does a real good job when her role calls for her to be a brainless bimbo. She’s cute, but nowhere near as cute as she thinks she is. I know she thinks she’s cute, well, gorgeous, because she has said so about 63, 64 times. Her acting sucks. She has just lucked into a few exercises that have emphasized her strong points. That will end soon.
Lindsey…Apparently she used to be on a Nickelodeon show which I’ve never seen. So she has experience. She’s decent looking, seems to be a grounded person, and has big boobs…so she should be a strong contender. But lately, she’s had problems with anxiety which haven’t meshed well with her more professional and understated style.
Angela…She was whining recently about how she’s always in the middle of the pack and wasn’t getting noticed. She is now, starting with the cool lesbian make out scene with Jessica. Hubba hubba !! I like her. She’s probably who I’m rooting for, but she’s not the best actress.
Tanedra….This is the best actress, even though she’s not experienced. She is able to tap into a powerful vein of emotion almost at will, and control it enough to bring out the best in a scene. She’s easily the most impressive actress, but this isn’t all about acting. Face it…its about being in a slasher flick.
My pick…I’m going to stick with Tanedra for now. She outshines the other girls practically every time. But I think Angela is going to give her a good run for her money. It’s possible, because she has been great from the beginning, that Tanedra will have already put her best foot forward, while Angela surges at the end. It’s possible she could come from behind and win. She’s cuter than Tanedra…she just sucks when she has to act with cockroaches.
Charm School….Oh Lord, its floozy heaven. There are seven girls left in a house who are trying to convince Sharon Osborne that they deserve to stay. But, unlike the guy version, From G’s to Gents, there doesn’t seem to be as much focus on actual personal improvement. It’s more of a cat fight peep show. Let’s face it, Sharon cusses them out at every expulsion ceremony, so how qualified is she to judge at a charm school. The remaining contestants are Lacey, Destiney, Jessica, Kristy Jo, Heather, Brandi M. and Brandi C. I predict they fall in this order:
Brandi C…..Totally brainless. When her best bitch friend got voted off last week she about had a breakdown. She acted like a mind control slave from a religious cult, not being able to live without her guru in evil backstabbingness. And she needs to stop having plastic surgery RIGHT NOW !! Before the front of her skull splits open like Michael Jackson.
Lacey…She is the evil genius on the show. It’s fun watching her eliminate those she hates. But Sharon knows all about her, and just hadn’t had the perfect opportunity to give her the boot.
Jessica….She’s just a little cute mouse compared to the rest of them. She’ll probably be eaten alive, Sharon will say she doesn’t really need Charm School, and she’ll send her home.
Destiney…Similar to Jessica but with more grit. Brandi C spits in her face next episode. We’ll see if she hurts someone.
Kristi Jo….She just doesn’t seem to be that bad off. If this show is about how the contestants improve, Kristi Jo will likely go soon, because she’s not that far off the mark–though she is a touch raunchy at times. And she has the best quote from the show: “Camel toe, camel toe, camel toe, camel toe.”
Heather…She came off as a real tramp early on. She dressed like she was ready to earn her way backstage at a Motley Crue concert. But she has been acting much more lady-like as of late. Her biggest drawback is that she has a chance of being thrown off the show at any time for belting Lacey in the mouth.
Brandi M…She is the one that comes off the most like trailer trash. But she cleans up well, and knows how to act respectably. I picked her on week one and I’m sticking with my horse. She just needs to steer clear from trouble (Lacey) and decide she wants to win and I think she will.
Next time I will give you some more opinions about shows. I know you can’t wait…all three of you who might actually be reading this miserable little blog. Oh well. I love ya anyway.